Today I Choose to Love

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”   Rumi

In my newly released book, See You in the Sky: a Memoir of Prison, Possibility and Peace, I write about how I blamed my father for being a criminal, for being in jail. I thought that if my dad had been different, I would feel better, be better. I was a victim closed off to love with judgments and fear. I now know from doing my inner healing work that when we blame someone it is our way of trying to control people and situations instead of facing our own vulnerability. We push ourselves out of our hearts when, as human beings, what we most need and want is to give and receive love. I now better understand that compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness have the potential to improve our relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. You might ask, but how can I get there?

First, recognize that you are blaming. Also know that living from that disconnected place is only causing you to suffer. My relationship with my dad changed for the better when I had the courage to admit to myself that I was blaming him. I really wanted it to be his fault so I could avoid my own sadness and taking responsibility for myself. Yet, when I was honest and saw that it was me causing the disconnect and not him, I was able to accept my hurt as mine and be honest with myself and my dad. I was able to talk with him about how as a child I responded to traumatizing circumstances instead of blaming him for causing them. I wrote my book to share the real possibility that you too can be free from the barriers to love due to blaming.  

Intention: Close your eyes and take a nice, deep breath.  Bring up a person that you blame for something in your life, even if they are not still alive. You are and in that, it is healing for you now. What did they do to trigger you? Recognize what’s coming up. Perhaps anger, resentment or fear. Allow it. Don’t try to fix it. Notice how familiar it may feel.  Then ask what do I need? How can I give comfort and loving kindness to that part of me that is hurt, afraid, angry? Nurture yourself unconditionally.  Ask yourself, who am I when I am not living inside that prison of blame and what does that mean for my life? Breathe in and allow yourself to let go in your body, mind and soul. You can repeat this exercise over and over as needed to continue the practice of dissolving blame. Today, I choose love.