The Year of the Dog
“Through our lives, the universe is perceiving itself. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.” – Alan Watts
Last night I was touched by a film now streaming on Prime, The Year of the Dog. The story is about a young man, Matt, who is struggling to stay sober after many years of alcohol addiction. His AA sponsor offers him a rustic cabin surrounded by pristine mountains in Montana to live in while he once again attempts to stay sober for 30 days. Matt forms a loving bond with a stray husky he named Yup ‘ik. At a dramatic point in the movie when Matt is trying to call his dog and he doesn’t come, one of his friends tells Matt, “Yup’ik is not conditioned to hide what he feels.” A chill ran through me. The lesson being that Matt was trying to control Yup’ik instead of communicating by connecting (paying attention). When Matt stopped, took a breath, and opened himself to feel into what his dog was expressing to him, Yup’ik responded and bounded towards him.
Unlike dogs, we humans ARE conditioned. We have beliefs, perceptions, and stories formed and solidified in our minds from past hurts and experiences. Not only do these stories cut us off from the present moment, but they also block our ability to know how to have a more honest and intimate relationship with ourselves. Most of the time we don’t really know what we need or feel. We don’t know how to pay attention to ourselves. For example, addiction shows us how self-destructive behaviors cave in on the hurt, afraid self that feels isolated and alone. Addiction can be any behavior including being addicted to thinking so the mind is always busy, another way of avoidance.
Why does it matter to investigate how conditioning has affected us? Our life circumstances have been different, yet what unifies us is that we all have experienced painful times in our lives, just like Matt. As the film unfolds, we learn that his beloved father was killed in a car accident when he was child. It is a natural, survival response to shut down emotions, to run away, to cover over our tender hearts. We haven’t done anything wrong. However, going through years of living in a state of defending, we sever our greatest potential to experience infinite true intimacy with ourselves and all of life. We spend so much of our lives in the trance of separation and reactivity.
When we begin to question our thoughts and stories, healing is possible. Being curious is the first step to healing and self-love.
What does self-love and inner intimacy feel like? From my own experience I have more peaceful moments when my mind is not whirling with worry or doubt. I feel less judgmental and isolated from others embracing the realization that we are not separate but sharing life together. I can more easily forgive myself and others. I have less fear of change including aging and even dying. I hear the sound of the bird call because I listen more. I wonder, what is life like for you? I don’t feel like I need to prove myself to others or myself. I don’t have to be perfect. I want to create art and walk in nature. I ask life, “Hey life, how can I give a boost to your many forms be they animal, plant or human? Sometimes that means taking care of myself first. There is huge power in communicating consciously with our inner life, to unblock and move from a no to a yes. Ultimately, it all leads in the direction of the sun, even when you are walking in a different direction. BUT, with self-love the journey is much more liberating and FUN!
“We are the kaleidoscope of creation manifesting with each one of our colorful lives the whole, the complete artistry. Consciousness is knowing we belong here.” Jeri