A Love Story
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Maya Angelou
On a mild, January afternoon I tuck two of my books, See You in the Sky: A Memoir of Prison, Possibility and Peace, under my arm and walk up to the silver speaker on the wall next to the locked door of Blaine Street County Jail Women’s Facility. I press the button and someone from inside asks, “Please state your name.”
Suddenly I’m transported back to 2001 driving my rental car up to the concrete guard tower of the Leavenworth Maximum Security Federal Penitentiary. A man’s voice blares from the intercom wanting to know who I am and the purpose of my visit. My hands grip the steering wheel. I answer, “My name is Jeri Ross. I’m here to visit my father, inmate Harold Rosenthal”. The voice tells me exactly where to park. I leave my belongings in the trunk of the car and walk toward the massive, gray stone building with thick, iron bars.
The buzzer sounds. I blink my eyes and push the door open. Polly, the In-Custody Programs Coordinator, greets me and tells me that the women are very excited that I’m coming to share my book with them. Diane, Adult Services Librarian from the Santa Cruz Public Library arranged the local author talk. Polly leads me into a large room where the women are sitting in a circle on plastic chairs. After greetings I ease into that familiar feeling of visiting a loved one in prison. I join the circle and begin.
Reading passages from my book about my childhood I share what it was like when my dad went to prison for the first time when I was ten. I read how my grandmother told my sister and me that we couldn’t tell anyone, not even our dad, “We kept our business to ourselves and went right on acting like everything was normal.” I share with my circle of listeners that the behaviors that I learned from being told to keep secrets and not being asked how I felt carried into my adult life: hide the truth no matter what, pretend I’m all right even when I’m not, care about the needs of others more than my own.
I share how I got from Atlanta where I grew up to Santa Cruz in 1972. I tell the story of how my fugitive father came to Santa Cruz to visit me and my sister in the late 70’s and was busted for drug trafficking and held in the Santa Cruz County jail when it was behind the Cooper House. That was the first time I saw my father in jail.
My dad jumped bond and went right back to Colombia. He was arrested, extradited to the United States and in 1984 given a life sentence without the possibility of parole. I spent the next 32 years visiting Dad in maximum security prisons all across the country. Through letters and phone calls I began to really get to know my dad, his intelligence, resilience, and his very deep love for his daughters. With his help in 2005 as my business coach, I became the CEO of my own international company opening accounts in Paris, Singapore, Hong Kong, Italy, Australia, Mexico, Canada. My dreams to travel the world came true! Dad was always there to cheer me on, “Never lose sight of the vision. You can do it. I believe in you.”
As the years went by, I felt that it was time to face my inner soul-self to hopefully help me reclaim and heal parts of myself, the emotions I buried, the childhood wounds, fear and shame. In 2011 when my father had been in prison for 27 years, I traveled to a ranch in Montanta for a women’s retreat called Gathering of the Soul. During the retreat one of exercises was called Horse as Mirror. The premise was that by observing our horse we could learn something about ourselves. I say this to the women who by now are intently following me along the path of my tale with smiles, head shakes and eyes wide open. “Well, my horse didn’t show up that morning.” The room rolls with laughter. “Yep”, I continue enjoying their response. “Really? I traveled all this way for a transformative experience and my horse is a no-show?” More laughter.
There isn’t a sound in the room when I read the part about how through my own healing journey, I was able to accept and forgive my father, how I came to love him without judgement. I didn’t realize how much closer my father and I would become when I shared my true emotions with him, my truth. I am forever grateful for that, and I have written this book to share that heartening possibility with others. Dad and I found out together that through and because of the pain, the struggle and the sacrifice, we were exactly where we needed to be, loving one another and loving what is. When I am asked about the book title, I explain, “See you in the sky is a metaphor for my dad and me where we meet together in peace and where we know within our hearts what it is to have a love that is like the sky, infinite and free.”
An hour and half later when my book share is over, the sounds of happy clapping fills the room.
I leave the signed copies of my book for the women to read and in their place, as I walk to my car I tuck under my arm a parting gift, a Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Office mug and freshly baked sugar cookies.
Intention: Let love show you that with love there are no barriers.
Please come to my upcoming local author talk for See You in the Sky: A Memoir of Prison, Possibility and Peace at the Santa Cruz Public Library Capitola Branch Thursday February 6th from 7:00pm – 8:30pm. To learn more and register for this free event click here.